So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
