I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How naked do you want me to be?
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