There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
