I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
