Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
