Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
