you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He felt like a one man threesome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
