I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
