When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize