My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
