cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
