Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
