it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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