i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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