My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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