Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
