Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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