Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
