I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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