Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
