are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
