3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
