I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
