He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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