i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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