ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
and you fell through a lawn chair
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
