would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
