Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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