and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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