I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
