She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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