Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
