Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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