i already hear my dad disowning me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
