The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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