M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
