Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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