Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
