I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
