I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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