5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
