Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
