I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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