guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize