Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
