do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
