I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
