I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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