u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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