She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
