so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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