you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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