She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize