Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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