eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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