who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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