It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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