I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
