I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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