Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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