Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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