Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
